Thursday 23 February 2012

Love at First Byte

Throughout history men and women had used a variety of means to find each other. Internet romance according to some is a bizarre method, and others it is a 'natural' for the 90's, to meet potential mates.  Reading enough pages of people's experiences one could consider a decent length novel, has formed an interesting picture in me of internet romance.

Romances formed on the internet follow a characteristic script. The development of emotional intimacy is a long process, sometimes taking several months. "Love at first byte" is rare although there are examples. The initial light exchanges, whether by e-mail or in chat rooms, are generally followed by increasingly self revealing topics, where after a while the two strangers perceive each other as a true friend. Could any heart with romantic inclinations resist? When you reach for the mouse with sweaty palms and butterflies in the stomach to look in the in-box for new mail - there's just no way to escape the fact - love has arrived.

In more fortunate cases the couple exchanged digitalized photos of themselves through the course of correspondence. This helps to ease the jolt of the initial meeting - which is a critical moment in every cyber love story. It is easy to understand if you realize what hopes and ideals our hero nursed up to that moment.Whether in real life or in cyber space, there is real pain and disappointment that accompanies love or what was presumed as love.  Many chose anonymity of meeting electronically thinking the distance provides a cushioning from the usual pains of a relationship. This is not true. Those who don't observe the rules of caution can suffer real and long healing scars. Don't think the only danger to your emotions is the lies your partner may tell. Sometimes it may be what we do to delude ourselves that bring negative consequences. While these internet relationships are real enough the invisibility of the partner must be countered somehow and this results in generous doses of fantasizing for some people.  There are those who easily lend themselves to daydreaming and loose their sense of reality. These people are prone to adorn their loved one with characteristics and appearance of a hero from a novel. It is difficult to escape from this dream back into reality unharmed. After the first kiss the prince turns into a frog and the story comes to an unexpected conclusion.




How does a cyber romance vary from a real life romance? Perhaps one significant difference is that communication plays such a large part.  Words that convey feelings have enormous effect. While before a real date we fix our hair and our clothes, on the internet we polish our intellect, imagination and personality. In essence the sequence is reversed - first we show our inner beauty and only after it had won victory does the veil fall off the physical vehicle of that personality at the time of that first meeting in person.
It is a popular topic in cyberspace to debate whether or not true love can develop merely on an intellectual level, that is without the physical attraction, the familiarity of the other's appearance? To put it another way: is the physical appearance of the man or woman play a part in the relationship if through the exchange of thoughts and feelings they already fell in love?


Many say it is against the nature of love to be deprived of the sense of sight, the look, the movement, the body language being present.  There are those, of course, who favor internet relationships claiming that the intensity of the emotional relationship that develops in such a way is superior to the mere stirring of the flesh.
Whatever the opinion may be on cyberlove - it must be said in favor of the internet that it puts people in touch with people that otherwise would never have met. 

In spite all we've said, there are those who still chose the internet as the means to find a partner.
In any case - be cautious and keep your eyes open off-line as well - turn off the machine and go to a dance or a club, because most women still expect to be courted in a real, old fashioned, romantic way :)



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